How do you react to criticism?

... and is it really meant for you?

How Do I React to Criticism?

That’s a question I get a lot, especially when I have a new book out.

The short answer? I try not to.

The longer answer is: it depends. On who’s saying it, how it’s said, and whether it’s useful. If it comes from someone I respect, someone who’s earned the right to weigh in, sure, I listen. I may not agree, I may not comply, but I’ll at least listen. That’s true in work and life.

In television, criticism is part of the job. Scripts get passed around like party favors. People with no writing experience at all give notes, and sometimes those notes are pretty bad. But you take it in, and then you do the most important thing: you find the note beneath the note. What are they actually reacting to? Is something unclear? Is there a beat that feels false? You can usually get to the truth without giving up the integrity of your work. Or, worst case, you pretend to make the change while secretly steering things back to what you meant all along. (I’m real good at that. 😊 )

Books are different. The biggest criticism once it’s out comes from Amazon commenters these days. Because I know what the work cost. Every line in a book is a fact –or it should be. It’s vetted, checked, revised. I have proofed the book a dozen times. I’m up at 4 in the morning with this doggone thing for two years. So, if I got someone’s age wrong by two years, and that becomes the focus of a one-star review? I let that go. That’s not feedback. That’s someone looking for something to be right about. That’s a person who needs to just write his own book and… good luck with that.

Here’s the part that might matter for your life:

Criticism is inevitable, but not all of it is about you. Some of it is projection. Some of it is control. Some of it is resentment wearing a mask that says, “What’s the problem? I’m just being honest.” And a lot of it? Well, it comes from people who haven’t risked a damn thing, who have never created something and put it in the world, who’ve never built anything, never stood up and said, this is what I believe.

So yes, be thoughtful. But don’t be porous. You don’t have to let everything in just because someone lobbed it your way. You get to filter. You get to say, “Nope. Not interested.”

You can decide not to respond. You can say, “Thank you,” and then go right on doing what you’re doing and ignore it. Not everyone gets a seat at your table, and not everyone who pulls up a chair deserves your attention.

If you’re building something right now – a book, a business, new music, art… a new version of yourself – don’t let every voice into your head. Listen, but very selectively. It’s not arrogance. It’s survival.

In the end, you’ll probably be judged anyway. So you may as well be judged for doing something you actually believe in.

Sound off below, and let me know what you’re doing right now that’s all you… and nobody else’s business. 😊